The Two Mrs. Cranes

Post # 5 in "The Frasier Series" 

Season 4, Episode 1

Air Date: 09/17/1996

Episode 6 in Variety's Top 25 Frasier Episodes

WARNING: There will be episode spoilers in this blog series.

This series mostly aired in the 90's so, I think it's on you if you've found anything "spoiled" for you. Anyways, fair warning - I'm not holding anything back for your viewing surprise. 

Call to Action: 

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies!

Continue reading to take a journey through this Frasier episode,

"The Two Mrs. Cranes",

or skip ahead to dive right into the details of this Action Call!

Episode Description:

" The Crane household is turned upside down when Daphne’s old flame comes to town. "

Where the Episode Starts

At Frasier's dining table in his condo. Frasier is reading the paper. Niles is tweezing a number of things he doesn't care for out of his muffin.

When Martin and Daphne return to the condo from some errands, Frasier relays the message to Daphne that someone named Clive called for her. Daphne is immediately concerned, not that any of the Crane gentlemen really notice. Before we know it, the phone rings and here's Clive. Daphne agrees to meeting up for a drink at 6:30, since she already has dinner plans.

Daphne explains Clive is her ex-fiancé from England. She had to leave him because she couldn't imagine her future with him. She describes him as a "total lay-about. No ambition, no drive. He couldn't hold a job."

She wanted to let him down easily so she said if they were still free in 5 years, they could try again. And here we are at the 5-year marker.

Frasier recommends to be honest, as it's the best way "to avoid unnecessary anguish." 

Plot

When Clive comes over, Daphne puts on her most unflattering sweater and is hoping for food in her teeth to repel her admirer. Anything so she doesn't have to tell him she doesn't want to date him.

Because Daphne so desperately did not want to be honest, she jumps on the opportunity to lie her way out of the confrontation by pretending she is married to Niles. At this point, Niles only has a secret crush on Daphne, so he becomes erupting with glee and honored to play the part of her committed lover. Now, as Daphne wants Clive to leave to avoid the tension, Niles wants to continue this act as Daphne's husband for as long as possible.

When Frasier walks in and meets Clive, they continue the lie telling Clive that Frasier is actually the brother who is only temporarily living there due to his marital problems with Maris. Niles seizes the moment to invite Clive to dinner, again loving every moment of the escapade.

Frasier insists with Daphne that they can't keep the charade up, but Daphne begs, desperate to avoid letting someone down. Daphne bargains with Frasier that she will drive Martin to his reunion for Frasier, in exchange for his compliance in this ordeal until Clive leaves.

Then, of course, Martin comes home. As you might guess, they are all acting weird as hell. Once Martin gets pulled aside and let in on the act, he seizes that opportunity to make up his own lies. He tells Clive he was formerly an astronaut. Instead of being shot in the hip in the line of duty, he injured himself during a space mission. Just to make it as fun as possible, Roz unexpectedly shows up. She is randomly returning Frasier's opera glasses to him. Roz yells through the door that it's her and before Frasier can open the door, Martin proclaims "It's Maris!"

Now Frasier welcomes Roz with a hug, whispering to her "You're Maris. We're married - play along!"

Once we get through all of this ridiculousness, Daphne and Clive finally have a moment to sit and talk. Now that Daphne and Clive are joined by Martin, Niles, Frasier, and Roz (pretending to be Frasier's wife, "Maris"), Clive shares he took Daphne's advice since they parted ways. He took some courses then opened a sporting goods shop, only to grow that into ownership of three stores.

Daphne is now shook. She left this guy because he was lazy. Now he's a "captain of industry" as she puts it, "and still as handsome as ever." Her disinterest in Clive very quickly turns into a longing crush.

Roz also becomes immediately enthralled with the good looks of Clive. She's willing to play the part she's been assigned in any way that she can to hit on the British visitor. Roz and Daphne start to have a tug of war over Clive with their flirtations and affections. Given that the lie was Daphne was married to Niles, Roz figured Clive was fair game and she starts laying it on thick! Daphne is increasingly bothered by Roz's advances and they both start telling Clive lies about each other to try to manipulate the situation to what they want it to be. Of course, it's quite amusing.

As to be expected, the whole thing blows up in their faces and Clive storms out swearing them all off as horrible people. 

Money Lessons

There is no explicit mention of money in this episode but there is a milestone moment in the storyline which is rooted in money.

Daphne propels forward an elaborate lie for her visiting ex-fiancé. This is all because she's avoiding Clive's hurt feelings from her not wanting to date him.

She doesn't want to date him because he didn't have a job. Once she learns he now has a thriving business, she is hooked.

I think a lot of people do a lot of things they don't want to do to avoid conflict and self-defend through people-pleasing. We don't like confrontation and we especially don't like letting others down. 

If you continuously avoid the "No", this type of behavior could result in a financial life that's totally misaligned with your values,

Call to Action:

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

I'm in agreement with Frasier that honesty is the best way to go.

I'll take it one point further that honesty is really the only way when you're talking about relationships with your close support network.

But once we're out of our own network, if some white lies makes it easier for you to say "No" to invitations and asks, etc. which might knock you off from your financial goals, tell the lie!

This might look like declining attendance of an event, refraining from joint-giving that is proposed outside of your budget, proposing alternative plans that fit within your means, or finding ways to resist the classic "keeping up with the Joneses."

Again, my first choice for you would be to be honest. But if you're a people-pleaser, which girl, I've been there, let's find small wins. 

btw, I would totally clasify "keeping up with the Joneses" as a form of people-pleasing. It's an act of conformity to avoid saying "No."

Start with small lies to get more comfortable with saying No. Then you can improve your skills with more honest boundaries. It's a never-ending journey to manage our boundaries in a healthy way, just the same as it is for our finances.

What I noticed most about this episode was Daphne's blatant requirements that her mate be an earner.

I talked about this topic in Post # 2, Classism & Culture, how we judge people based on professions.

I think it's important to note sometimes distinctions between healthy boundaries and classism are blatant, and sometimes they are nuanced.

Daphne wants to jump through hoops to run from this guy when he's unemployed but once he owns three stores, she does a 360°.

I think it's fair to have different standards for your potential life-mate. But I want to caution that we don't equate people's worth, in general, to their careers.

This shows up again in Season 9, Episode 5 "Love Stinks." Roz dumps her boyfriend because she's embarrassed he's a trash collector. She eventually realizes she's being gross and asks him to take her back.

But if her boyfriend was a hitman or a drug dealer, would we judge her for leaving him based on his career?

Our Call to Action here is to Tell Lies, but really, that's only to find some wordplay with the show's plot line.

I wanted to bring awareness to the attachment to "work" and identity, especially here in the U.S. Yet, this doesn't necessarily translate into a call to action.

So,

I want you to be honest to yourself and to those who matter.

After that, it's no-one's business! You do you to stay aligned with your own goals, however you need.

If you're a chronic people pleaser and need a way to start practicing boundaries, grow that nose Pinocchio. 

If you're looking for someone who is an unrelated third party who wants the best outcomes for your financial future, you don't need to lie to me. I never judge anyone's spending and I try not to let my coaching clients judge themselves either. We can evaluate, but judging means we expect something that's maybe not there. Be honest!

Love,

💜 Coach Jacque 

Next post: Episode # 5 (coming soon)